Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
