you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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