3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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