She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
