Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
