need another drink. this is the easiest way
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
