there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
