Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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