So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I look better un-naked...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
