Fine. I'll sleep in my office
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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