I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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