In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
