Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
