Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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