well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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