My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
