I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
