You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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