Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
