She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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