I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You are the jesus of drinking
Life without a bra equals bliss.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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