I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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