My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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