Jerry, you need to find god
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Randomize
