God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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