Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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