you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
