The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
