I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
