You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Your penis caused this!
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