so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
