He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Randomize
