i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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