6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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