wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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