i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Holy sore nipples Batman
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
