You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
