Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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