seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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