i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
