i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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