Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
