If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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