I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
