he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
