after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
