I hate your face
My friends, they love my intelligence
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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