In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
