I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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