suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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