I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
