Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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