how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
