I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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