she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
