My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
