were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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