She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
