First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
