you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
