DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
