I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
