I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
