So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
